South Dakota - a home and a future?

I returned from a week in South Dakota over a week ago and just now have a quiet time to post my writing. What a season. 

Finally a quiet time to reflect. This certainly wasn’t the calm retreat I expected. I need to keep my expectations low…. Less frustrations that way.  I was productive- paperwork signed, boxes unpacked,  fences walked and neighbors met.  I guess I just wanted to sit in my own house and be …. Alone.

There is that never-ending conflict. I want to be in community, I want to have a lively relationships with my family. And I want to be left alone to do my own thing and have my time to write and create and be the me that I feel straining to emerge.  I was introduced as Kathy over and over and it felt pretentious to correct my own mother and say, “I’m Kathryn”.  What a trivial reflection. It was a wonderful week.

I sat in the golden womb of this log home and thought,  “I can’t believe this is my house.”  I was able to stay there one night and was up with the dawn. I wandered in the swirling grasses and gazed at the soft golden light as it lit up the barn, my barn. Beyond the barn, the pasture land along the creek bottom had been mowed and bundled into great round bales, leaving the creek to meander through the its borders of tall, lush grass.  In the distance, horses grazed in quiet contentment and further off, the dark outlines of the Black Hills.    I turned around at the far end of my fence and there was my house- sturdily planted on the gentle hill by its stone foundations. 

What does God have in mind for those bedrooms? What meals will be cooked in that kitchen and eaten on those decks?  That loft with its wonderful attic hiding places.  That stupid Jacuzzi bathtub, practically in the great room, and taking precious space up in the master bedroom/ loft.  I intend to cover it with plywood and add a ton of pillows, maybe a spare mattress. I can see that as a reading nook, not a pretend pool, a pool with no heater!  But maybe it will be filled with giggling grandchildren one day. So I’ll resist ripping it out.

My brother is helpful with ideas for adding more lofts, tearing out walls and changing in steep stairways. Add a closet here, add a kitchen there.  This deck would be so much better with a porch. They say to live in a space for a year before you make changes so you know how the space will work for you. That’ll be easy- all those plans are going to cost someone a bit of cash and it won’t be my brother!  But it is exciting to think of making the house a hone.

That’s my heart cry.  I want this place to become a home.  Not merely a house that people visit or a yard that demands so much work that it isn't a place of relaxation.  I want a home that invites friends and friends of friends to stop and rest, to pause and remember His provision, to enjoy good food and good conversations.  A little taste of heaven here on earth to remind any of us that God always provides a respite.

I looked at places to write on the walls of my house- but most of them are logs!  That’s ok- I have some ideas for shelves and maybe that’s where I can copy Scripture and proclaim the wonders of the God who has so generously given.

"I know the plans I have for you. Plans to give you a Hope and a Future". Jeremiah 29:11.  

So this is my HOME and my FUTURE. 

Out of death comes Life.  The seed that falls to the ground is the beginning of all fruit. God, you are always good. You are always about redemption.  You're giving me a hope and a future out of the season of grief and pain.  Thank you.