Word of the Year...

I love words.  Word of the Day... expand your vocabulary, impress your boss, etc.  Or just savor a new word.

For the last few years I have meditated on a word for the year.  Last year I confidently chose "Confident". Not because I have much but because I knew this - For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus Phil 1:6    Turns out you gain confidence not by having knowledge of a great Bible verse but by stepping out boldly and falling on your face. Repeatedly. 


2011 was my year of dealing with professionals who knew way more than I did- did, I've gained some valuable knowledge. I bought a car, actually a very large pickup truck.  And a camper. Clyde, the wonder truck, and Bonnie. The camper. I know, it's not too original but Clyde is for big Clydesdale horses and Bonnie is a, well, Clyde's partner. Not in crime. 


I've learned a bit about preparing a house for the sale market. I learned about dealing with realtors, painters, stagers,  tree trimmers, electricians, deck builders, county inspectors, VA appraisers, loan officers, title company administrators, etc.  I hoped to never need this information again but I am also learning to never say never!


I learned that I cannot commit to long term agreements with people who dominate me. I've learned not to make decisions when I'm exhausted - unless there's blood involved, there's no need to rush.  I learned that when you don't understand something, no one minds questions but no one thinks to volunteer the information you need. Looking stupid is less painful than actually being ignorant.  


I learned to insist on a job well done or repeated until right.  I learned people respond better to direct praise or criticism than to hear it from a third party.  Confrontation is hard and I naturally prefer to have people like me than to confront them.  Turns out, not standing up for myself backfires - eventually the stress of ignoring conflicts blows my cork. When I blow my cork, it usually hits someone else.  Someone I was afraid to confront.


So I learned that when my cork blows up and smacks people, they don't like me anyway.  Like the lawyer asked me, "So how's that working for you?" That's a first - getting legal advice for a conflict. In the process, I've learned that a good contract trumps assumed intent every time.  That may prove useful.   


So where does that leave me? Still confident that He is perfecting a good work in me. And confident that I cannot do this on my own. Philippians says He'll complete the WORK He began.  Work, not magic.  I'm still not a naturally confrontational person - that's not a prime goal in my life anyway. But a bit wiser, a bit sadder - isn't an easier way to grow up?  Who knew it would take this long to figure out life?


But at the end of the day and the end of 2011,  I sold a house, I dismantled a life, I moved across the country, I started a new life. Hey, should have built some confidence!  Confident that He is doing a work in me and I don't have to know what the end will look like. Confident that no matter how horrible a trial is, God created our memories to block most of it. Confident that people generally want to help and I have great friends.  Confident that I'll keep falling on my face but only if I step out boldly.  Look out 2012, here I come !