That will make me a grandmother.
Wow- grandmothers are .... old and wise and in my family, a bit grumpy. Am I ready? Is she ready?
What prepares us for the ground shift of parenthood- that fork in the road that will always mark before children and after children? The road gets steeper as you approach an baby's birth. The birth is its own marathon of pushing a huge bowling ball up a steep muddy hill and then pushing that same bowling ball out into the world. But in the end, it's more than a great nursery or a amazing birth experience. I love Dale Hansen Bourke and this is a quote from her leadership blog.
Motherhood and leadership are not about the payoff. They are about investment in others, careful management of problems, giving up oneself to the point that self is not noticed.
Good mothers and good leaders usually live way over their heads in conditions that require more prayer than theory, more clinging to faith than controlling destiny. Yes, there are mothers and good leaders who pull it all off without God, but I can't imagine how.
At first, I honestly wasn't so thrilled with the whole idea of grandchildren I love the idea of my competent daughter becoming a mother and clearly I'm old enough. My mother has been ready for several years now,"I'm the only one without great-grandchildren." Obvious bragging rights are missing there.
But the whole "you will throw yourself under a train for your grandchild" aspect didn't feel real. It took me time to bond with my own babies. I still don't really care for other people's kids ( true confession time) but as I think about my genuine relationships with young adults who aren't my kids, I understand this process a little better.
I coached the birth of my best friend's son and watched him and his siblings grow, make mistakes, grow some more, and emerge as really terrific young adults. Over the years, I've met other children and participated in some of their spiritual formation and I treasure that gift. With the benefit of looking back at bare bottom babies who grow into adults or watching teens who seemed insufferable but make it just fine, I get it.
Motherhood, in all its forms, is an investment in the future of our children- biological or not. One of my own children's "mothers" is a favorite aunt who has no biological children of her own. Her joyful involvement with her various neices and nephews is such a blessing to them. She has given up herself in ways that aren't applauded in our world system but her family sees and heaven smiles.
I was such a serious mother and I fear I'll be a serious grandmother but the lovely benefit of living so many seasons on this planet is the priviledge of looking back on those years. I was so concerned about making mistakes with my kids- I see now that despite our best intentions, mistakes are still made. God will need to do His redemptive work in ALL His children- we don't want to be the major source of baggage in our kids' lives but I didn't need to fear I would be the worst thing in their lives either. I understand now that no matter how hard we try not to make mistakes, we do live in a world marred by sin. The good news is that God is always at work in that world and we aren't alone in the journey.
My prayer now is one of gratitude and expectation; I'm grateful that at some point we can each recognize the redemptive journey we are all on. In time, the labels of adult and young, parent and child can be transformed into fellow sojourners. I can expect good things from God.
So while I'm not quite to the "let me bore you with my grandchildren's amazing specialness" stage, I'm getting closer to throwing myself under the train to protect them. But the protection I long to provide would be the investment of steadfast prayer, godly encouragement for their families and more fun than their parents had with me!
This grandmother knows that God is big, He loves us more than we understand, His heart towards us is good. He rejoices over us!
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My daughter, like most young expectant mothers, is still unaware of all the burdens and joys of pending motherhood. I'm aware of the holy weight of the generations. And in this too, God is on His Throne and smiling down at us and the new life coming into the world He created, the world He is redeeming. And He is rejoicing over us with singing.
It's all good. I wish I had understood that thirty years ago...
You hit the nail into the very center of all mother's hearts. The "Grandmother Club" is the BEST! It's off-putting before you're in it, but once in, the mother bear syndrome is on steroids. New depths of patience and love come out of nowhere (actually we do know where nowhere is--huh)!
ReplyDeleteWhich are you going to be: 1) the grandmother who picks the name that you want your grandchildren to call you, or 2) let the grandchild formulate the name? This is am important question--no kidding!
I'm a bit of a control freak so I've picked a name. I'm also a realist so the first time Josiah calls me Goobers or something, it'll probably stick!
DeleteWe did a online quiz at Christmas - my sister and our girls all thought it was hilarious. I though it was weird.
I wanted to be called Chi-chi after a favorite cousin of my Dad but with so much Spanish spoken, I dropped the idea. I won't share the meaning but you don't want to be called this in public by your grandkids. :)
I like the double ee names- Gigi, Kiki (but that sounds too close to kinky...), etc. So I decided to do BeeBee- mostly because one of my favorite movies is 'Babette's Feast' but Babette seemed a little pretentious. Of course, my first answer to the "What do you want your grandchildren to call you?" was "Your highness, of course", Pretentious is clearly in my genes or at least, sarcasm.
Back to the online quiz- based on the way I answered my questions, the name THEY assigned to was Bebe! Not sure how to pronounce that so BeeBee is my twist. We'll see if it flies.
Thanks for the encouraging words. Bebe
Love this post. I think you are going to be one wonderful Grandmother <3
ReplyDeleteThanks, sweetie. Missed you at the shower... will I see you in March when I'm in Va?
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