It was not a productive day.

I’m leaving in three days - oops, now it’s TWO days. I'm so not ready… finally tackled the $$, tax, number stuff. Mild panic resulted. I despise dealing with finances- I must find someone to teach me or DO it for me.  Maybe a husband isn’t such a bad idea.

The to-do list is as long as my arm. But Clyde, the wonder truck, wasn't starting in the mornings.  So last week, I begged for a place in the queue at the GMC dealer and arrived at ten yesterday morning.  And, of course, they were short on technicians. And there’s nothing like showing up to a garage with a ¾ ton pickup truck with a full size camper installed. “I wasn’t thinking it’d be that big…” Good luck there, big guy.

So, at two in the afternoon, I had cleaned computer files, sorted contact lists and read my email. The dealer had bad coffee but free wifi. When it was clear this was going to take even more time, they offered to take me to my chiropractor a mile away.

And I met a new chiropractor my usual office; gentle hands and adjusted my stubborn neck just right. Ahhh…. that’s better.  And he offered me a TENS unit- a little muscle electric stimulation thingy to help my tight back muscles endure the many thousand miles ahead on my road trip. Excellent.  I can feel them relaxing already.

And it was a fabulous day in Rapid City, South Dakota- sunny as usual (I never get tired of saying that!) and about 50 degrees.  Lovely day for a walk so I set off for downtown and the car dealer.  Rapid has a pretty cool downtown. And you always see more when you’re walking. 

There’s a couple of really old, sandstone houses along the main road – I peeked into the windows and fantasized about owning a cute little stone house… move on, Kathryn.

Oh, that funky purple house is a spa- what a cool patio! I’ll have to check that out next summer.

I meandered into a artist studio/vintage clothing shop and got a business card for… next summer.  I passed up the hookah shop. Wow- and there’s a second one getting ready to open. Who knew…. in the sleepy Midwest? I got some excellent quiche at my new favorite Alternative Fuel coffee shop…and ministry center. Very cool. Picked up a regional magazine- my goal is to get published in it. Soon.

Time for a stroll back to the dealer- wow, I headed into the wind and a reminder that it was January.

Yep, a day “wasted” and expensive to boot. I had one sorta working battery instead of the two batteries Clyde needs. And turns out diesel batteries are expensive. But it pays to be nice; McKie GMC put on two wiper blades… for free.

So even a day that looks unproductive can be good. I met some nice people. I had two hours out in sunshine and fresh air, walking. My back’s in the right place for a few days, at least. I got advice and parts for Bonnie, the camper- about to be initiated by a non-mechanical owner.  And when I read my emails, I was blessed enough for any day. 

I had sent out a lazy version of a Christmas letter-first time I did an electronic one. And those words, sent out into the great cloud of data that surrounds us, connected me to old friends.  I say I just write for myself but that’s not completely honest.  I write for myself to figure out what’s going on inside me. I write so I can clearly hear God’s small voice in my busy head.  I write because I love words. I love to read a well- crafted story and I want to write a good story,too. And I publish to connect with the rest of the world. One person at a time.

So now it’s too late at night to figure out the spiritual truth in all of that… except a day that looks wasted never is. I didn’t accomplish a lot but my soul was fed by my friend’s response to my blog- thank you, Juanita, my kind, kind friend. I’m so glad we’re in touch again.  My spirit was lifted by being kind to a frazzled service department and I pray I was a blessing to them.  It was the kind of day where I could stop in the middle of all the complications and say, “It’s all good.” 

Wow- it was productive. Productive in a way that will last far longer than just cranking through a to-do list.  What does God want to produce in your days?  Peace, patience, long suffering- JOY!

Old Friends and the Long View

My dear friend came last week.  She boarded a plane in busy Philadelphia and arrived in busy Denver. She went to the VERY end of the Denver airport concourse, walked across the tarmac and boarded a much smaller plane to Rapid City.  Why was she surprised when she got off the plane, walked across the tarmac again and out onto the edge of the prairie... not busy Philadelphia?

Her 2PM flight was the last of the day in Rapid City. TSA employees said farewell to each other. The airport looks like a bus terminal anyway and it's being remodeled.  No coffee shop, no friend to pick her up- I had the time wrong and was on my way.

SO there she stood... and it was quiet. Still. Silent. Big and empty. Definitely not Philadelphia.

We are old friends - we had babies together when our husbands were young and invincible.  We've watched each other's children grow. We stayed at their home and they at ours. She and her husband drove down to see Bill as he was dying. The kind of friend that you don't have to spend much time with to pick up the conversation again.  A life-long friend.

Gee, where is all the usual tourist traffic?

Just around the corner from Mount Rushmore.  George himself. 

And as we drove around in a sepia world of  fresh snow on dark trees and pale stones, we talked. Life, kids, husbands.  New seasons and old.  Hopes and regrets.  What we hide from ourselves and from each other.  What we want to be when we grow up.  The questions of life to dig into with a friend for life.

The long view. 

I thought of George- up there on his mountain. Looking over a prairie landscape so unlike his native Virginia.   He has a long view from up there. 

And sometimes we have the long view for our friends.  And they for us.  Life is too hard to figure out alone, find a friend and see what their view is.  Be real and honest. Let them tell you, "You can't see the big forest because of all the trees right in your line of sight. But I can. I've been there too. It's ok. It's going to be ok"  The long view. 

The silence was good for my friend as it's good for me. The big empty spaces reminded us of the hardy pioneer women who walked here,  rode wagons, birthed babies, grew flowers and cattle.  Women who created a life in this fragile and yet, hostile climate. Women who lived with life and death,  abundance and want,  living a life that may or may not have had the long view.  Each generation must chose to lift up their heads and look. 

She told me she liked that I was making a new life, in a new place.  She saw the big picture in my life. That's what friends do- they point out the good things that are happening. They lift one another up. They gaze out at the distance and offer each other hope. 

Are you that life friend for someone?  Or do you long for one?  In a world that seems to focus on surviving, not thriving... we have this great wisdom from CS Lewis-  

C.S. Lewis Friendship Quotes

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”

Read more: http://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/bible-verses-about-friendship-20-good-scripture-quotes/#ixzz1k2qIuaZJ

Let's thrive together- as friends! 

The adventure always includes friends......

It's FREEZING.....

Rest Of Tonight...Mostly clear. Lows 8 below to zero. Northwest winds 10 to 20 mph. Wind chill readings 20 below to 30 below zero. 
http://www.findlocalweather.com/pinpoint/us/sd/deerfield+lake+recreation+area/current50442.html



OK- got it. Thank you, Weather People.



Wow- yesterday it was 54 degrees and I was loading my camper. Today, it was 4 degrees when I pulled into my driveway. My car said, "It's really cold out here! Get me in the garage, woman."  Clyde doesn't like cold like this either - his battery keeps draining. 




But yesterday, I was the diligent ant, not the foolish grasshopper. Anyone else remember that tale?  The busy ant prepared for winter while the grasshopper fiddled and frittered away his time. 
(And the ant let him in and fed him during the freezing cold and enjoyed a winter fiddle concert.) 

Moral of the story - learn to play an instrument!

  But that ant did not lift logs the size of these puppies. 

This is wood my father cut at least ten years ago.
Nothing decomposes quickly out here!

These are the ones I left.

Not because they were too heavy- they were so dry, I  can lift them! 

I am woman, hear me roar!

But they don't fit into my enormous fireplaces's little fire box. 

And I don't do ax or wedge and sledgehammer suff.

I am a smart woman. 

  I'm keeping all my fingers and toes. 

Instead I  load lots of small stuff!
And Clyde is now  my temporary wood box.
This is DRY pine- burns fast and gives up less BTUs.

 Back in the fall,  I asked Larry, "So what do you burn out here?"

He stood silently and  looked at me.  Slowly he looked around,
"See anything but pine trees?"

Nope.  Just pines.

Okay... so out here, we burn pine. And clean our chimneys.
I burn cardboard too. It's piled in the garage and it's free.
And doesn't need an ax.

I thought this was some kindling.
It's mostly rocks but I had to get right up to it to see that.
Lots of shades of brown and gray here. Lots of rocks.
Do rocks give BTUs?

So the wind blows and the ground freezes. Animals tuck in for the winter.

 And so do I! 

This is just wishful thinking.... espresso from Italy

Ahhh.....

     ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

And before our temperature dropped like a brick,
the newly restored steeple was replaced  back on
The Little White Church in Hill City.

They are diligent worker ants, too.   Just a bit more roofing to secure.
Too cold now!  And it's all volunteer labor.

If you're warm and dry and spending the winter nights indoors, be grateful.

 If you see someone who isn't, be kind.  

Maybe they provide Life's music. 

Single- It's Just a Word

It's winter in the northern hemisphere.  Dark too early. Dark too long.


I don't do well in winter.  My mother's words are deep in my soul, "You are the moodiest child...."  Growing up in Alaska, I  probably was depressed, even as a child. Alaska winters tend to drive adults to drink or Hawaii. I didn't have the funds for Hawaii.

So the holidays are over - the anticipation and festivities drift away and I'm settling into dread.  And I'm single.

Suddenly, that matters. Old sourdoughs in Alaska hibernated alone in isolated cabins, maybe with a dog or two. I don't want a dog. I don't even want an old sourdough to share the cabin. But I get lonely.

If I had a big screen television or cable or even streaming video on my laptop, I'd hibernate in true American fashion. With cookies. And feel single, alone, solitary, a lone soul.
In the dark. with cookies. ( hear sad violin music....)

Instead, last night I checked out events in Rapid City, my closest, consistent source of culture, and found a Native Americana concert at the Dahl art center. Excellent!  Live music, Native culture, and a free night at the art museum.   That's all it takes to get me off the couch and into make-up and some cute clothes.  Amazing I won't do that for just me.... well, actually that was just for me.

So off thirty miles to Rapid City, largest town in a hundred miles radius, population fifty thousand or so.  Seventy-five of us almost filled an appropriately dark room with white washed branches throwing patterned shadows from the spotlights. A small stage.  And two acts.  Native. Americana.  I missed the "a" on the end of America.

Our perky MC said, "No leathers and feathers tonight. We want to showcase Natives in contemporary music."  Leathers and feathers. Hadn't heard that but it rings true. I assumed native drums, which I love, and maybe Lakota keening, which takes some getting used to and for me, a little goes a long way.  Like listening to any foreign language, you feel like a bit of an idiot sitting there and missing the point.  It's about the words, you know. And I missed the word Americana.

 Scatter Their Own from the Pine Ridge Reservation brought acoustic and bass guitars. A man and a woman. And it was great. He sang Native inspired lyrics AND covered Bob Dylan and Jimi Hendrix.  A symphony of notes trilled from his hands.What creativity, what fun for us who shared the room. Then a member of the Crow nation produced his acoustic blues with some reggae, rock, whatever. Cary Morin's an amazing musician.  His hands flew. His voice crooned. It was live music and it was good.


So.... my perceptions changed a bit last night. Native doesn't always mean leathers and feathers. And single doesn't always mean alone-

n. legal definitions for interpersonal status, a single person is someone who is not in a relationship or is "unmarried"


only one in number, one only,
lone, solitary or sole 


or


unique- distinct from other things
pertaining to or suitable for one person
singled out- to pick or chose, distinquish by separation

I like that- unique, distinct, suitable for one person, 

singled out, chosen. 

So on dark Dakota nights  I can feel like the only one in the world or I can meet, mingle, have my perceptions broadened-  by choices in music, by choices in words. 






http://scattertheirownband.tumblr.com/

http://carymorin.com/
.

A Word for 2012

"Create"- 

Bring (something) into existence Cause (something) to happen as a result of one's actions
	make - produce - originate - generate - form - cause

Tall orders to issue to yourself!  But that's my word for this new year.  I have some "empty" time this winter and I intend to be creative and to be creative means to create. I'll write about this more in the months ahead but for now, I have some simple goals. Simple things to create.

 

I'm creating better health- I go to physical therapy and do the exercises I'm given. Simple. It just requires discipline- only God can say, "And let there be... " and it appears.

 I can and do speak health to myself but I also must lay on the floor and stretch my muscles.  Hmm.. I'd rather just speak it into existence. 

Creativity takes discipline and obedience to the truth you've been given. 

I'm creating order- again, no pronouncements into the cosmos and the stars automatically align. Nope, I'm sorting paper work and building files, preparing for taxes. That's not creative!  I'd rather be painting or writing or almost anything. 

But if God used His words and His energy to create order from cosmic chaos - why shouldn't my world reflect the creativity of order?  Why shouldn't my energy be expended to bring order and its resulting peace into the small corner of the world I've been entrusted with?  

Creativity means using my energy to do tasks I'd rather not do. 

I'm creating a book. There I said it. My goal is to publish and to publish, you have to have written material. Edited and rewritten material.  Edited, rewritten and aimed at an audience not just blogged out into space.   I'm in a great writing group and I've discovered I'm a sloppy writer. Ouch.  Yes, I can create a lyrical phrase, I can be a tad amusing. And I can be a mess to follow.  

God gave clear directions to His people. He told them how to make a tabernacle, then a temple. He gave commandments in stone. And finally, he came as a man and spoke in simple  stories and parables that his intended audience usually understood.  He took time to make his message known. I'm not writing Scripture but I want my words to be life affirming, life transforming. 

Creativity means laying myself aside and crafting for eternal purposes. 

So in this year of 2012, I'm learning a new vocabulary for creativity. I'd rather creativity be "lock myself in a fun studio, ignore the world and chaos around me,  and produce wonderful works of art and literature". 

 But instead it looks like I need to "cause (something) to happen as a result of one's actions" - work on discipline for my body, tackle some chores with a new outlook,  keep an eternal mindset for my chosen craft. 

Sounds creative to me! May you also find creativity in unexpected places this year.  

Word of the Year...

I love words.  Word of the Day... expand your vocabulary, impress your boss, etc.  Or just savor a new word.

For the last few years I have meditated on a word for the year.  Last year I confidently chose "Confident". Not because I have much but because I knew this - For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus Phil 1:6    Turns out you gain confidence not by having knowledge of a great Bible verse but by stepping out boldly and falling on your face. Repeatedly. 


2011 was my year of dealing with professionals who knew way more than I did- did, I've gained some valuable knowledge. I bought a car, actually a very large pickup truck.  And a camper. Clyde, the wonder truck, and Bonnie. The camper. I know, it's not too original but Clyde is for big Clydesdale horses and Bonnie is a, well, Clyde's partner. Not in crime. 


I've learned a bit about preparing a house for the sale market. I learned about dealing with realtors, painters, stagers,  tree trimmers, electricians, deck builders, county inspectors, VA appraisers, loan officers, title company administrators, etc.  I hoped to never need this information again but I am also learning to never say never!


I learned that I cannot commit to long term agreements with people who dominate me. I've learned not to make decisions when I'm exhausted - unless there's blood involved, there's no need to rush.  I learned that when you don't understand something, no one minds questions but no one thinks to volunteer the information you need. Looking stupid is less painful than actually being ignorant.  


I learned to insist on a job well done or repeated until right.  I learned people respond better to direct praise or criticism than to hear it from a third party.  Confrontation is hard and I naturally prefer to have people like me than to confront them.  Turns out, not standing up for myself backfires - eventually the stress of ignoring conflicts blows my cork. When I blow my cork, it usually hits someone else.  Someone I was afraid to confront.


So I learned that when my cork blows up and smacks people, they don't like me anyway.  Like the lawyer asked me, "So how's that working for you?" That's a first - getting legal advice for a conflict. In the process, I've learned that a good contract trumps assumed intent every time.  That may prove useful.   


So where does that leave me? Still confident that He is perfecting a good work in me. And confident that I cannot do this on my own. Philippians says He'll complete the WORK He began.  Work, not magic.  I'm still not a naturally confrontational person - that's not a prime goal in my life anyway. But a bit wiser, a bit sadder - isn't an easier way to grow up?  Who knew it would take this long to figure out life?


But at the end of the day and the end of 2011,  I sold a house, I dismantled a life, I moved across the country, I started a new life. Hey, should have built some confidence!  Confident that He is doing a work in me and I don't have to know what the end will look like. Confident that no matter how horrible a trial is, God created our memories to block most of it. Confident that people generally want to help and I have great friends.  Confident that I'll keep falling on my face but only if I step out boldly.  Look out 2012, here I come !  

New Year's Eve?

I'm sitting in a new place- the home of my crazy, fun, funny, " Oh wow, isn't it great that we can all cram into my house and have Christmas together!" sister.  And her very generous and tolerant husband. :)  I came with our mother and our children have descended, cooked, gamed, gifted and departed. Whosh- like a holiday on a giant slide. Finished too fast but lots of fun.

And this morning, I'm thinking of what I left behind.

There haven't been too many New Year Eve celebrations in the last ten or fifteen years that didn't include a party at our Virginia house.  People drove up to find no parking and flinched as my children (much younger then...) backed their cars down our five hundred foot long driveway.  Other party attendees, experience under their belt, walked up the driveway. Up.  Some huffed and puffed and moaned a bit about the hill. Some came in smiling, "I love that long walk up your driveway. Seeing the house all lit up... ah. " :)  Me too- one of my gentle heart aches is the absence of that lovely walk.

This is before we shoveled for cars!

My children became proficient at party preparation. They cleaned,

Quit playing and help me! :)

 moved furniture and our vehicles, cooked.

Paul's famous Tiramisu

If it was warm enough, they'd blow the deck and set a fire. If it was a true winter, they shoveled snow.  We would set everything up and collectively panic that there wasn't much food, when would people arrive, would it be... enough?  It was. It always was.  Guests arrived laden with food and games. With appetites and good cheer.  It was more than enough.

I loved hearing, "I haven't seen you in ..." Usually months, occasionally years. The invitation list changed as our community expanded and with those changes, relationships took on new patterns.  But New Year's Eve was often the time to reconnect all the pieces.  We would play goofy games or no games. The kids became young adults and video watching changed to joining our games or creating their own.   We've played charades with much laughter and also sat in a quiet circle with lit candles to share dreams and tears.  We've prayed and sanctified our time reflecting on our blessings.  We toasted with champagne and grape juice. We've been together.


And now I am here, not there.  My sons and daughter-in-love have left and I'm here with Abby for a few more days.  This is a new life. She is expecting my first grandchild. I'll be driving to her home for the arrival of the baby in the spring.  Life is good.

But it is my day for reflection and as I think back, I chose to remember our parties. The loaded tables, favorite dishes crowding the space. The greetings, the hugs, the gentle reminders that we shared as community, as fellow sojourners in life. The heart ache of the wayward children, the shared loss of Bill.  The joys of weddings and grandchildren. Conversations that bubbled in every corner.  Life.

So on this day as we prepare for 2012, you are remembered and celebrated. I wanted to send out a funny invitation- "Show up with a dish to share- I'm sure Joe and Shannon will be thrilled to know they have purchased a party house!" hmm...maybe not.

Or "The Clevelands are having their party! You are all invited!  There's no long driveway but it is in Parker, Colorado!" hmmm.... doubt anyone would come. 

So instead, know that you are missed. I love the West. I miss my friends and community back in the East. There is no party this  year but there are sweet memories of parties past. And the assurance that there will someday be a PARTY to end all parties and we'll never have to leave. We'll be home.

Home....