Rainy days and Mondays

OK- it is Sunday but if Monday is the blue day, it's been a week of Mondays.

 My obsession for all things western has led me to an unexpected place. The last three weeks have been all about mortgages, negotiations, realtors, etc- yes, I've put an offer in on a house in South Dakota. I can't quite wrap my brain around it either. In early September, I told my family and a friendly realtor I met to start looking.  That I'd be ready in a year or so.  And the operative word was START.  Not really find.

The realtor was fine- sent a few, looked a couple that my mom found but then, my brother went across the street and asked his neighbor if she was interested in selling. Long, involved story- short point. She was in financial turmoil and ready to leave; knew she needed to sell or lose the house. But not really ready to sell.  It has been a roller coaster of weirdness.  She showed my family the house and the dog bit my mother. The same dog that bit her and her vet.... do you see a pattern here?  She was incensed by my low offer and refused to talk to my realtor or hire her own.  My sweet brother in law, Ken, jumped at the chance to buy into a house in his home area.  There were questions with insurance, vicious dogs, back taxes and the ultimate question.  What on earth am I doing?

In the middle of all of this, I had two specialty appointments at Bethesda. Lovely hospital. Treats the president of the US.  Wonderful people.   And it makes my blood pressure soar, my throat ache, my soul sore for days after.  It was practically a second home for Bill in those last months and I need to stop going there.  One more follow-up at the GI clinic and I'm sure I'll be told to stay on the little purple pill for the rest of my life and come back when I'm really sick.  That will be a whole other blog.

And... in the middle of remembering the past and fearing the future, it has rained and rained. It's dark. It's dreary. It's dismal. This is why I need to leave Virginia- it has four seasons.  And I don't care for two of them!  This is a early dose of the winter here. ugh. Give me snow.

But.... there always needs to be a "but" to remind myself that I am in such a good place in my life.  I have applied for a mortgage- all by myself (sounds like a three year old... about right). I marched fully equipped with a folder of paperwork into the same credit union that has been quite awful to me since Bill's death (same credit union- different branch, different city-I'm the mouse who roared) and told them what I needed. No- what I wanted.    I'm actually excited about the possibility of having a house across the street from my brother- that is a miracle in itself.   I've communicated with a realtor who doesn't know me and  who I don't know but have decided to trust. I negotiated a broker fee- in all fairness, Shawn has been exceedingly generous.  God bless him.  If you're in Rapid City,  I heartily recommend Shawn Wood.  I have found a tree's worth of paperwork, created some more and faxed offers and counter offers And even if this whole deal falls through, it has been a great lesson. An education in what I can do, who I can be, the possibilities of the future.

And... a lesson on the faithfulness of God.  I have decided that praying for something is not how you receive  it. When you pray for patience, you don't get patient dust sprinkled down from above. You get four kids and a dog and a overflowing toilet.  You get opportunities to practice being patient.  Repeatedly. In the aforementioned case, you can practice kindness and self control at the same time. Sort of a 'pray one, get two free' deal.

So I have prayed and prayed and prayed for wisdom, for direction, for guidance for the last three years. And He has been faithful to send me wise counselors, timely retreats to listen to Him, and now... a house?  Well, you don't get much bigger than that for needing divine guidance.  So I whispered my prayer, "I'll step out in faith and when the doors open, I'll go.  Just please make it obvious when you are closing them."  I prayed for a price to offer and have remained firm- again, God bless Shawn. He told me to stop at my comfort zone and if it's meant to be, it'll happen.  That's a realtor who is looking out for his client.  And for me that's God confirming to me that I had heard His voice. I'm excited and nervous and having some anticipatory buyer's  remorse. I pray for the seller that she'll see this as a blessing in the long run. I pray that He provide a future for her.  I've wandered around this house and thought someday soon, I'll sell it and it will break my heart.  I love it so. It's full of my memories and my kids' lives. It looks great- finally.     And I wait.

I do a lot of that. I wait. And I wonder. What else is He going to teach me?
 Just let me hear your voice,  Lord.