The light at the end of the tunnel- starts with a garden? Part Two

As I started to say in my previous post....I'm seeing light at the end of the tunnel. It has been a long hard road these last four years. I have the bittersweet memories of my time with Bill in our wild and scary garden- where we whacked out some beauty from the weeds that ultimately brought death and  it's probably time to leave the garden metaphor.

Well, maybe not.  I was left with one specimen, Paul. And for four years I have examined him and watched him and tried to nurture him but the more attention I gave him, the more he withdrew.  Every time he grew a little on his grief journey, I pulled him up and examined his tender roots.I vacillated between understanding and complete frustration. I said yes to activities and then regretted my decisions.  I  was the object of  his anger- expressed and repressed. I took him to counselors and specialists. I cried my eyes out in fear and anguish. I knew my other kids were hurting but somehow they seemed to have faithful friends and better coping mechanisms so most of my attention was centered on Paul. He was the tender, broken piece in my garden and I didn't know what else to do for him.

But when all is said and done, a gardener is only the tender of the plants, not the source of their growth.  And slowly, I made fewer  mistakes and said fewer words.  Prayed more and worried less. Trusted God more and ignored the specialists. And someday, I'll be able to share the details.  For now, it's enough to savor the amazing sweetness of a son who is talking to me, making plans to move on and seeing light at the end of his tunnel.

This was a summer of mission trips for both of us. I've been on the mission board for years now and this was my first real mission trip. I ended up teaching art therapy at a children's home. And I know nothing about art therapy. Isn't it just like God to show up when we don't know what we're doing? 

Paul went to Ireland and God showed up there also. In the months leading up to the trip, Paul had become softer and more open. We had more conversations and less silences. He had deep spiritual insight in our home group discussions. God had been working all this time and Ireland was the fruit of the years of prayer and trusting and waiting. Paul, the "most private patient I've ever had", stepped out in obedience and shared his testimony. In public. More than once. With power and growing confidence in what God had done and was doing in his life And as he shared with me how that felt, the joy that flooded him when he was able to be open and honest and vulnerable- I knew we were coming out of the long, dark timel.  The Light had always been there drawing us forward to healing. And, yes, it all started in a Garden.

We were created for relationship in that garden. For relationship with our Creator and for relationship with each other. Sin in that same garden lead to alienation, sickness and destruction, cancer and death. But God is all about redeeming His creation and His people and recreating relationship. So as Paul prepares to move to the West Coast and I begin to mourn my empty nest, I chose to rejoice in this place on my journey, on our journey. Redeemed relationship with promise of future.More opportunities to trust and release. Life in the garden.