The pull of the moon.

Insomnia

Tidal ponds wax and wane with cycles of the moon,

rising, falling; increasing, decreasing.

Hanging luminous in the branches of a South Dakota tree,

super moon draws me from my bed,

Are the creatures of the sea sleepless

as well, as the moon tugs

us, from our comfort? KC

This week's super moon kept me up all night. As sleep eluded me, I wandered the porch and remembered my years in Italy.  



There was no air conditioning in southern Italy and the air hung still and heavy in the hot summer nights. I would slip into my daughter's room and will the thick metal door to open without its customary squeak. Then on tiptoe, I'd ascend the stairs to the patio, set on the flat roof.  Standing on cool cement, arms open for any breeze that might stir up from the nearby lake, I'd glare at the full moon.  

The Mediterranean Sea was merely a dark strip of water reflecting moonlight in the distance.  Under the bemused full moon, I would gaze in envy at the sleeping blocks around me and end with a long look south to the soft triangle of Mt. Vesuvius. It was thrilling during the day but in the midst of my night watch I only looked for any signs of its awakening. 

Familiar fear stirred in my gut and my dark questions trickled back. What would I take from my house if that dormant thing came alive and blew up? How much time would we have? Did I have fresh asthma medicine? Should we have a better air mask for him? Why did I live so far from home? 
What was wrong with me that I could not just return to my husband's arms and rest? 

Restless, exhausted, I lay down on the chaise lounge, the plastic straps already damp with dew, and curled into a ball inside my thin cotton gown. And waited for the moon to leave me alone. 

Faith Matures

The Lord turns my darkness into light. 

"Christian faith is a leap into the unknown. Experience confirms the wisdom of every act of trust. The alternation of the darkness of faith leading to understanding, and understanding leading to illuminating the darkness of faith is the normal way that leads to growth in faith. Like everyone else, God wants to be accepted as he is - and he happens to be infinite, incomprehensible, inexpressible.  We have to accept him, then, in the darkness of faith.  It is only when we can accept God as he is that we can give up the desire for spiritual experiences that we can feel.  Faith is mature when we are at ease without particular experiences of God, when his presence is obvious without our having to reflect on it. One who has this faith simply opens his eyes and, wherever he looks, finds God." Thomas Keating, The Heart of the World

Several nights ago, before I tried to sleep, I stood on the porch and watched the moon climb the ridge. The air was cool and fresh. Quiet and luminous. 

 Early in the morning, I tucked my feet into moccasins and pulled on a sweater against the chill. I got in my car and drove out of my neighborhood with parking lights and followed the moon to a forest trail. 

The moon set, the sun rose.  




Back home in my cabin, a world and a lifetime away from the chaos of Naples, I heard a lone log truck downshift before the turn and growl up the climb to the timber forests down the road.

I inhaled the sweet air and watched the light dance across the pasture. I sat quietly and sipped tea, at peace with the pull of the moon. Finally, finding God everywhere I look. 

You are my lamp, O Lord;

the Lord turns my darkness into light. 

2 Samuel 19:29 NIV