WTH- Life isn't supposed to go this way!

Similar to other long, dark winters, I planned a lovely meander to sunshine and warm weather.  This year my trip included friends and their condo on the Gulf of Mexico. Blithly, I dismissed the idea of a simple virus interferring with my life and headed south.

I love live oaks. 

And now I'm social distancing in place and my trip will only include a quick dash home. No dogwood blossoms in NC, no anticipated chats with dear friends, no garden visits in Savannah or Charleston, no Easter Vigil in D.C.   And if I had to be stuck somehwere, this is about perfect. 

Except it's not. These dear friends are in the middle of a personal family crisis. No details are needed because similar events are happening in many homes, throughout America and around the world. Familes are awaiting the birth of babies, women and men are nervously watching their bank statements or hoping for phone calls to return to work. Family disfunction still simmers, maybe to boil over in the heightened stress. Health workers are working hard and you know some of them are dealing with crap at home. Life continues- with or without social distancing and the threat of a little known virus.

I have a habit of reading whatever I find by my guest bed when I travel.  It's an interesting way to expand my reading selection and occasionally I find a great new author.  This trip?  There was Victor Frankel's Man's Search for Meaning, written in nine days after he survived four concentration camps in WWll.  Not light reading but it has been such a juxtaposition with Covid19. Yes, we are in the midst of a very scary situation with many vulnerable people.  But most of us have so much agency over our lives.

I could quote Frankel all day but one thought especially stands out-

“The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity — even under the most difficult circumstances — to add a deeper meaning to his life. It may remain brave, dignified and unselfish. Or in the bitter fight for self preservation he may forget his human dignity and become no more than an animal.” 
― Viktor Emil Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

In the lowest, most degrading time of his life, Frankel came to realize that how we chose to react to life is the measure of what it means to be fully human.  And this can be a time for us to chose our reactions as well. 

One of my wise sons sent out a great list of things to do- laugh, read the Psalms, create something beautiful...

"Whatever your capacity and circumstances may be, 

be pro-active with your love and energy!"    

Such good words- so I'm limiting screen time, taking long walks with six feet between me and my friend (sometimes- after all, we are all in one condo together) and taking pictures. Seeking or recording or reating beauty revives me. Find what revives you and do it with your full capacity.  Then take a nap! 

Derailed! with flowers

Ever have one of those months?  I'm going to rant a bit- for the last six weeks since I returned to my home, it's been one thing after another.  Mom is in a rehab/nursing home 45 minutes away, fortunately I have a nice place to stay when I'm there. Unfortunately that means my acres are left on their own. Mother nature has not helped- it has rained almost every day, which is either climate change or some new pattern that disrupts the normal weather. Oh, that IS the definition of climate CHANGE.  Not exactly sure of all the causes but one result in the Black Hills is three foot tall brome grass, hundres of dandelions in my "I don't need a ground barrier" wood chip path and michaelmas daisies taking over my flower beds.  I know that last whine is overkill. The daisies are aggressive and beautiful at the same time.  Still.... stay in your place!

Crum... out of focus but I'm out of time so it'll do! 

My newly installed dishwasher trips the new GFI outlet and turns out wiring those things are harder than it looks. No dishwasher but water in other places...  My toilet overfloweth and the adjoining rooms, including the guest bedroom closet, soaked up more than I thought. So it's lots of vinegar and fans because the carpet cleaner is at mom's so I can do her floors before she comes home the first of August.  After my company leaves and my quick trip out of town.

Columbines love the rain!

At least there's warm air to dry things out.  Too warm.  When I bought my Acura in California, I didn't think the AC was great but they assured me it was fine. I rarely used it because it's not that hot here. Now, eighteen months later, my compressor is definitely shot and that will be thousands of dollars, thank you very much.  So much for certified pre-owned.  I'll start that fight after the kids leave.

Yesterday the long-awaited crew arrived and my little "she-shed/ art shack/ overflow bedroom" was lowered onto the foundation. It's been sitting on precarious wood jenga piles for almost two years and it looks much worse for the wear and weather. But it's down and I can start to figure out what to do- mostly replace the back wall that had to be demolished in the process.  And see if there are in swallow eggs in the nests- the birds are going nuts with the destruction. A condo in town looks pretty

Except I wouldn't have these!
The random board appears to be holding up my shed... hmm

 good right now.

So in the middle of rain and more rain, weeds and more weeds, I've had the blessing of several rounds of company and today, two of my sons and two grandkids are arriving!   The new toiled it sitting in the garage and the caulking to repair the leak from the exterior sill is on the washing machine. The location is to remind me to have them pull that out and check the water line for the crazy lint build-up in my laundry.  Whew... the list is much longer but you have to prioritize when you'd rather play with your sons than use them as handymen.  I do hope putting the Christmas tree box away happens...

So that's my rant and why my Camino blog is so delayed. Add a few days of inertia, meetings, public library book sale, multiple weekly trips to Rapid City and, I confess, more than a few summer escape reading days and my brain is working at summer speed

 But the flowers are looking fine!

Well, those photos were a bust and I don't have time to retake them. Sometimes done is better than perfect!  I can't see what I'm shooting until I load it on the computer. Clearly my auto-focus doesn't!  These are art shots- fuzzy and impressionistic.  Enjoy.

Waiting for the Blooming

I come to Tucson fairly often- my brother and his lovely wife live here and are generous with their lives and home.  And I've always want to see the desert bloom.  In 2013 it snowed and while that was lovely in its own way, it wasn't the same as the fields of deserts flowers shown in the Arizona Highways magazine.  Everyone says, "You just can't know for sure, depends on water and temperature." The short season of desert bloom is like a southwest secret and you just have to be here at the right time and place.  So far I haven't.

I'm using a wonderful Lent prayer guide from Way Makers-  http://waymakers.org/pray/   One of this week's examples for praying for my "city" is based on Ezekiel 37 and the valley of dry bones in the Old Testament. Here's a pretty dramatic video of an interpretation of the text of Ezekiel.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dafYxu8cQQ

In the dry desert, I long for water.
Water is the sound of life to me. 

Written in my prayer guide—"We pray today for those who are physically alive but are spiritually dead. Breathe life into them, as You did at creation. Infuse them with Your Spirit. As Ezekiel did so long ago, we declare our prayer: "Come to life!"... Resuscitate... Renew... Surprise... Raise up great throngs of people throughout out the earth to stand before You, filled with life and eager to serve."

Resuscitate means re-awaken.  

 As I eagerly watch the desert for its re-awakening, its blooming;

 I also see Lent as a season of our re-awakening, 

through Christ's re-awakening, 

through His Resurrection.  

We watch for signs of spring, 

we wait for the Spirit to breathe His renewing life again and again.  

  

 And sometimes we are surprised. 

For as the earth bursts with spring wildflowers, and as a garden cascades with blossoms, 

So the Master, God, brings righteousness into full bloom

 and puts praise on display before the nations.   Isaiah 61:10-11 The Message







For now we wait, in the dark.  I may miss the full blooming of the desert- again.  Or I may be surprised.  But we can know with the assurance of those who believe—Lent leads to Easter, and Easter leads to the Resurrection, and Resurrection leads to life, again and again and again.

Resuscitate... Renew... Surprise... 

Raise up great throngs of people throughout out the earth to stand before You, filled with life.

Grief and the abundance of life

This morning I dumped goat cheese on my scrambled eggs and was reminded of my cousin who works in a fabulous cheese emporium. A fancy name for a store or market but the root is from Latin poros, which means journey.  Cheese and gourmet goodies travel from the world to Longmont, Colorado and they are delicious. Decadent. A far cry from gooey "American" cheese food.   And when my brother in law died, that decadent and delicious foods showed up at Janet's house.

In the midst of grief and sorrow, our cousin put together an extravagant basket of French cheeses, little toast things, spreads and jams, smoked salmon and these little melt-in-your mouth shortbread lemon bites.  We endured  the funeral, survived the reception and returned to an empty house- starving.  We attacked her bounty of expensive gourmet food like it was McDonald's french fries and we had just hiked in from Outer Mongolia.

We sat on the floor and ate with our hands. We opened wine and gorged ourselves with the most amazing meal. We were loved in an extravagant, outlandish fashion.... and after a week of "consolation carbohydrates" we deserved it.  Or did we?

Do we deserve extravagance in the midst of pain? 

Do we deserve abundance in the face of tremendous loss? 

Do we deserve to love and laugh after all the pain, in the middle of raw grief? 

All I know is we were renewed in our spirits, 

united in our love and laughter 

and humbled by this gift.  

We appreciated the lasagnas that had streamed into the house- well, not all of us. This was an Italian family, lasagna a family meal. My niece refused to eat it without her dad.   But we were grateful for the kindness of friends and neighbors who brought pizzas and pastas and casseroles and cookies and sweet rolls.  But when a basket of expensive abundance was placed in our hands, we were delighted. Overwhelmed by the sheer generosity.  Amazed that fine food could so restore our spirits on a bleak day.  And if we had know what was in the basket, "Of course we would have invited you back to the house." My brother and his family had lived in France for years and had to settle for leftovers the next day.  I have no pictures but will put in a shameless plug!  http://www.cheeseimporters.com/home.html

Fast forward a few months and now we are purging Janet's home of all unnecessary items- she is moving from a house into an apartment and most has to go.  We are in the midst of a garage sale- which surely would have made Dante's list of one level of hell if he ever had to endure one.  It's humiliating to place your treasures on the yard and have people paw through them.  It's discouraging to expect a decent price or understanding from strangers. Garage sales suck. 

But in the midst of that difficulty, God sent Judy.  She was a volunteer at their town's performing and visual art center when Janet worked there. She came to the yard sale to help, to buy stuffed animals for a mission on the Mexican border and perhaps find mirrors for her latest mosaic piece.  We appreciated her help, gave her all the stuffed animals and were delighted when she offered us a mosaic class.  We had a ton of tasks, mostly heartbreaking and all exhausting and had no time for play. 

But play we did. I set out to talk about Judy and our classes but food took over instead. But both were extravagant signs of abundance in the midst of grief and turmoil.  Both were gratefully received and both brought life and hope, laughter and beauty. One was consumed within a few days but we treasure the memory. The other is a more permanent sign of friendship and fun.  Both were generous reminders of grace, abundance in the scarcity of grief. 

These are half finished.... the story will continue.

So do we deserve....

 beauty, kindness, grace, abundance, care, laughter.... 

extravagance....at any time?

I don't know what we deserve but we thrive on all these gifts and they are small pieces of love that create a thing of beauty- in our lives, in our families, in our communities.  Next time I want to give with abundance into the dark of someone's grief.